THE BOOTY BEAT
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Whitey-Tighties
Or
Tighty-Whities?
Dear Angel
Dear Angel,
Let’s say someone has a medal affixed to his uniform. How could you make the medal, well, shinier?
Signed, Anonymous
Dear Anonymous,
I polish my crown with honey lemon and sea salt. If that doesn’t work, try Plutonium Polish, which is legal as long as you scrub and shower afterwards. I highly recommend it!
Love,Princess Angel Drawers
Correction: On the last edition of the Booty Beat, the headline “Tornado Path of Destruction” should have read “Windchime Dispute.”
Private Johnson
Explains Slogan
Ever had Private Johnson tell you to “watch your six” and wondered what that means? The private recently explained, “It means watch you’re a**.” Google provided further clarification, explaining that it’s a military term referring to directions on a clock - 12:00 is in front of you, and 6:00 is directly behind. Watch your six!
www.TheBootyBeat.com Underwear Land’s Best (& only) Newspaper!
TOWN'S DIRTY LAUNDRY EXPOSED!!!
With the recent release of Underwear Man and the Case of the Missing Lace, author Miranda Horkenshoot has exposed Underwear Land’s recent scandal for all the world to see. Reaction from the town has been mixed. “How shocking!” said Princess Angel Drawers. “Pass the olives,” said Agent Thong. “Nice!” said Agent Double-Oh. Just remember fellow underlings, you heard about the caper here first. The Booty Beat beat Horkenshoot to the scoop!
Miranda Horkenshoot
(as imagined by Persnickety Images)
It is a debate that has spanned the decades. Are they whitey tighties, or tighty whities? This fall, Proposition 411 asks voters to decide, and citizens are abuzz with conflict.
“I’ve always called them whitey tighties, but I’m fine with tighty whities too. Do we have to decide?” Underwear Man said. General Boxers went on record with a different perspective. “Just pick one and be done with it!”
What do you think? Vote in the Booty Beat’s straw poll and let your voice be heard!